My Yestermony: Reflections on 2013

Reflecting on 2013… it’s about 5 hours from the New Year, 2014. I have long given up and outgrown the drinking, club hopping, being out in the world with stranger’s years.  For the last decade and better I usually attend “Watch Night” services at my church.  I love it…it’s about gratitude, community, acknowledgment and Blessing God for all that He has done for you, all that’s He’s brought you through.  It's about the Grace and Mercy that you have been granted for things that would have, should or could have happened to you.  It is rejoicing, celebrating, worshiping and feeling safe…at home…a part of something greater than yourself. I am not going out tonight though.  It’s one of those years where I will "be" the church and have church at home.

2013… I am having a little bit of a struggle trying to describe it.  Usually I look for a word that seems to highlight the tone and movement of the year.  The first word that showed up for me was “transitional”.  I realized that I started a process about two years ago.  In my Spirit I felt it was time for me to stop going… running…chasing after my finances (the entrepreneurial dance).  I had worked myself from the early natural hair movement days (~2000) of creating Loc and Natural Hair Shows in NYC to going to all of the “bandwagon shows” that developed out of it. They dried up due to a saturation of hair care product manufacturers, from everyday people trying to make a living, to veteran vendors and last but least the multi-national, multi-million dollar corporations who saw the financial potency of the “black” natural hair industry.  I started adding in Jazz festivals (because I love Jazz) and a few other sundry “craft” and large “music festivals”.  So starting from March to December it was about a show a month; mostly out of town. Let’s see, Maryland, Atlanta, BAM NY, Capital Jazz Festival, Maryland, Int’l African Arts Festival BKNY, Harlem Week, Chicago- African Art & Music Festival, Philadelphia Locs Conference and finally BZB’s Black Gift & Holiday Show in Washington DC twice in December.  I began a “slow waltz” out of the scene. I put on the brakes and committed to being obedient to God’s voice.  Last year I cut the shows down to half and this year I only did 2 and a half shows; one in May (BAM) and one in October.  WOW…that’s historic for me.  AND…I gave up at least $10,000 or more in income.  Now it may not sound like much to you but for an Entrepreneur like myself, it was a big sacrifice. Then of course, I had “my friends” who wanted me with them.   They were calling me to tell me about “good shows” and “how they missed me” and “how so many people were looking and asking for New Bein' stuff.  Talk about a test! I began to really feel the lack of income and was tempted a few times to have a weekend fling (do a show). But, you know what?  My Spirit would not let me.  It had neither the energy nor inclination to do the “manual” and “mental” labor that participating in shows required.  So…it was a little jerky in the beginning, then it felt good and right. But then as the time went on and the money wasn’t coming in… it was hard again.  When an Entrepreneur starts thinking about getting a job, that’s a telltale sign. Let me just add that everyone understands what the economy is like right now.  It reminds me of the stories my Mom shared with me about “hard times” and how they had to make it through down South.

Two years ago I received a clear and direct message from God “to write” and “to Speak”.  These are two things that I realize I really enjoy and feel passionate about. I love being with and speaking to people in a room as well as on paper. Somewhere in the middle of slowing down I got present to Spirit. I saw that I had to move deeply in Faith.  I had to align myself with God’s economy and know God as My Source.  Practically speaking, that meant not jumping up and getting on the computer first thing every morning to see if there was any orders and then rushing to my bank accounts and seeing what was going on there.  This was typically how I “started” my day.  Those actions definitely reflected my working from lack, “poverty-consciousness” and from “false faith”.  You say you have faith (talking about me) but you operate on sight and circumstance.  My challenge was to “divinely detach” from doubt, fear and concern to “working” and “having” my Faith.  And… while I wasn’t looking, just living and being purposeful in my life, I noticed it had happened.  I had entered into a place of “rest” aka “peace” with the choice I made. I had Faith that God has and will continue to provide for all of my needs “according to His riches and Glory!”  My final test came, when the Government shut down for 3 weeks.  It seemed like when it shut down, so did New Bein’ (my business). I got a little shaky because in all my years of being an Entrepreneur I had never experienced “no activity” (flat lining) in my business for so many days.  I pondered, I questioned a little, and then I determined to have a breakthrough in my Trust and Faith in God; to literally, Let Go and Let God.  I stopped my “works” of having to create a weekly or even biweekly email marketing campaign no matter what.  I released, I trusted, I watched and I waited on The Lord.  I don’t a miracle to share… I didn’t hit Lotto, or have my biggest sale ever, but I tell you what - I saw the steady, easy Hand of God working in my affairs and on my behalf providing for my needs; moving with Grace under the radar.  When I looked at my December folder it seemed to have had more sales than previous months.

This year in the new space that I created, I began to develop and introduce a new program to the world called “TAJI - A Queen's Class".  "Taji is a Swahili word meaning “Crown”.  It’s something that has been brewing in my Spirit for over a decade.  The seeds were planted in my youth.  It is an empowerment class for women based on the precepts of Queenship.  It derives fundamentally from my belief that all women are Queens. I have employed someone who I have been working with on this project. I have birthed it;  let the world know about it, created a FB page for it, sent out emails about it, had a few introductions with a few women and even a small focus group.  I have had to change the starting date twice and am approaching the third, January 29, 2014.  But guess what…it shall be done!  And I shall not be moved! (sort of my mottos). It may not be when I say or think so; it’s when God says so (which is always divine right time).  In the meantime, I will press on and forward while I wait for alignment and destiny. I believe God has great plans in store and TAJI is a part of it.  So…as Antoine Fisher so eloquently put it “I’m still standin’!”

Loving Life…Living Life…Powerfully & Beautifully!

I AM QueenNE

PS There’s a Love Story that I have to tell you about!